It’s 2015 and a cat is running for president.
His name is Limberbutt McCubbins, and he’s the only presidential candidate—that we know of—with a tail.
Last year, as candidates began announcing their intentions to run for president, Limberbutt remembers thinking he’d make a better president than many of them. He turned to his human, Emilee McCubbins, and said, “Help me get on the ballot. Help me run for president.”
As his campaign picked up press attention, Limberbutt saw the opportunity to broadcast his stance on topics like catnip legalization, space exploration, and feline marriage equality.
But running a campaign isn’t easy. Limberbutt has needed to make changes to his diet and exercise regimen and has taken steps to improve his abilities as a speaker and a dresser. He hopes that his life and story might serve as a model for other felines with dreams of breaking into politics. Here are the Goals he’s set for himself for the upcoming campaign.
“Before he ran for president, Limberbutt’s most notable characteristic was his love for [his humans’] hot Cheetos,” explains Isaac Weiss, campaign manager.
In the past year or so, Limberbutt has taken steps to clean up his diet, specifically by eating more high-quality wet food and less dry kibble.
He still has an affinity for human food, though he’s laid off the cheese-dusted puffed cornmeal snacks. His new favorite human food is a hearty tuna noodle casserole, which you can make yourself by following the recipe he’s shared on his website*.
When it comes time to unwind, Limberbutt enjoys basic pleasures.
“It’s strange,” Isaac muses, “but he’s not a huge fan of cat toys. He kind of sits around all day.” (We presume he’s deep in thought.)
Limberbutt doesn’t personally use catnip, despite advocating for the decriminalization of the substance. But the herb might be just the thing to take the edge off Limberbutt’s busy life on the campaign trail. While the presidential hopeful isn’t known for bouts of anger, he will occasionally—and without warning—tear up Emilee’s homework just for fun.
Limberbutt believes that looking good is a combination of a basic but effective grooming routine and bow ties.
Every morning, Limberbutt takes the time to lick himself clean for about five minutes. While he eschews fancy soaps in favor of his own time-tested technique for getting clean, there’s one place where he will splurge: neckwear.
For daily wear, he enjoys a simple nylon collar in black or white. When asked whether Limberbutt prefers his collars with or without a bell, Isaac responds, “Obama can’t run around the White House with a little bell. Limberbutt doesn’t either. It’s a question of privacy.”
When it comes time to dress up, Limberbutt springs for a silk bow tie in patriotic red or blue.
Limberbutt and his team have been looking for states that don’t require payment to land on the ballot. “We want to make the Kentucky ballot, and ballots in nine other states,” Isaac said. “But [Lumberbutt’s] trying to keep taxpayer money out of his political campaign.”
When his campaign team runs out of states where it’s free to be on the ballot, they’ll have a long discussion about whether to fundraise to put Limberbutt on other state ballots, or quietly celebrate his series of victories and call it quits.
The team does not accept donations, but Isaac and Emilee manage a page on Limberbutt’s site* that link to online stores selling “McCubbins 2016” buttons, T-shirts, signs, and other items.
*Any outbound links in this post will take you away from Simple.com, to external sites in the wilds of the internet; Neither Simple nor The Bancorp Bank, our partner bank, endorse any linked-to websites; We didn’t pay/barter with/bribe anyone to appear in this post. Isaac, Emilee, and Limberbutt are not Simple customers.
The Goal amounts listed in this post are estimates based on the life of a cat. A cat who is running for president. The actual cost of attempting to coax your ambitious feline to run for president may vary. 🐈
Disclaimer: Hey! Welcome to our disclaimer. Here’s what you need to know to safely consume this blog post: Any outbound links in this post will take you away from Simple.com, to external sites in the wilds of the internet; neither Simple or our partner bank, BBVA Compass, endorse any linked-to websites; and we didn’t pay/barter with/bribe anyone to appear in this post. And as much as we wish we could control the cost of things, any prices in this article are just estimates. Actual prices are up to retailers, manufacturers, and other people who’ve been granted magical powers over digits and dollar signs.